(finding tides)

My brain is a gunslinger's twitch.

And i'm blank.

The morning guilt of a night's gross excess that spiralled into a self-imposed rage of cocaine, cocktails and a cab ride half a mile from home (never, i think, directed any particular individual but whoever happened to be the one at that moment when i just needed five minutes the fuck alone to think over a cigarette and a perfectly timed superchunk song...but i could be wrong, fuzzy as the evening wore on) has finally melted into the warmth of knowing that i am never the monster i fear in me.

Which means i can finally sleep.

Even if i don't know anything more. where my heart should rest or my future resides. how the fuck i'm going to make it to a point in my life when i don't have to question the simple tenets of everything i do and say and hear and see.

Perhaps i'll always be wondering.

But, at least, i'll always have friends to keep me.