(sleepless weather)

My brain is an endgame played to the last breath in the lines of strange promises i seem to remember when...

There are so many promises that sift through the cracks. that find themselves lost in the half-drunken broken social when men like me remember the times they spent fleeting from one dream of endlessness to the next.

But it's been a goddamn long fucking time since the miscreant of forever made its way through my livelihood.

Bullshit line...

My life.

Because i remember staring her straight in the eyes and saying that word after so many tears that should've just poured from my face into the cheap friendly's coffee we sipped hard and hopeless knowing that at that one precious moment we might never have the chance to kiss again. i closed my eyes. i held her hand. i knew all my mistakes and i wished i'd never seen her again because if it hadn't been for me then none of this would have happened.

There wouldn't have been this tortured goodbye.

She would've been...i might've...fuck...i don't know for goddamn certain but it sure as shit wouldn't have ended in such a tender array.

It certainly wouldn't still haunt me.

That's bullshit.

Honest, but nonsense.

Because i never would have known the true meaning of love if i hadn't held her trembling hand. if i hadn't told her that stupid story. if i hadn't looked in her eyes and known that there was something so certain in my heart i could've torn down the seemingly fearless walls of the world we'd called our own for so long even the notion of freedom hurt.

I would have never known beauty. i would have never known loss. i would have never known the true meaning of a broken heart if i hadn't seen it drifting from her young and beautiful face as i made a hundred promises i did every goddamn thing in my power to live up to...

But i failed.

Not in those months, but in later years.

And my horrors still linger in sleep.