(then as armor)

My brain is a remedy in wait.

And all it takes is a kiss.

All it takes is a smile.

A sweet count on remembering those times when you loved so wildly each moment it still astounds you to think you didn't burst into waves of the most perfect oblivion and scatter out along smoldering stars.

But, then, it was easer to be invincible those days. to sit back and just be indestructable.

Sometimes i believe it still is. other times it's so fucking hard just to breathe enough hope in these arms i'd be damned if i didn't just sink into bed and waste my last thoughts on regretting not being the best goddamn son of a bitch i could have every day.

And i wonder if i'll ever be that madman again. i wonder if i'll just give up his ghost for the cheap allure of comfort and security. a fence. a home. a bank account worth checking just to see the interest accumulate in more than tangible things that keep my idiot grin on at 2am again.

Because it would be so easy. so fucking simple just to get on line with the idea that money makes the man a more formidable voice in the world of specious things and that my time would be so much better served in it.

I could give all this angst up and just fret about the little things that give the world its notion of economy. i could be a cog. a drone. a rung holding up the puppet head i could believe because those are his words coming out of my mouth when i revert to casual conversation over grim happy hours with the bees.

Then i see an old friend. i hold her hand. and i know that for the rest of my fucking life i will be who i am.

And i'm grateful.